Dear Pittsburgh drivers,

It would mean a lot to me if you could stop:

1. honking when I stop at a stop sign. 
2. honking when I stop at a red light. 
3. honking when I do not block an intersection because that is how traffic patterns get fucked. 
4. honking when I yield to pedestrians. 
5. riding up my ass when I accelerate at a reasonable speed because we are on an uphill entrance ramp and while you seem to have jet packs strapped on the back of your car I am driving a manual with a touchy transmission that's old enough that, were it a person instead of a car, I'd have to be having awkward talks with it about responsible sex. 
6. thinking that "yellow light" does not mean "slow to a stop," but rather, "GO GO GO DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
7. thinking that a four-way stop means "everyone stops except me." 
8. thinking that having our bumpers make out while our cars are moving will make me drive faster. 
9. thinking that because you are mean to me while we are driving, it will make me also drive like a douchehat. 

Kisses,

C